Greed.


Greed… it comes to us in various occasions and shapes, and the worst part about its ever changing character would be that we often don’t even notice it. Tricky, isn’t it? As young kids, we always crave for the prettiest toy in a store, even though we’re being told that we might not have it, regardless of all the tears. As teenagers, we always crave for the most expensive clothes or shoes, even though we’re being told that we might have to wait just a tiny little bit.

We grow up though, and greedy kids become greedy teenagers, and greedy teenagers become young, aspiring adults, and the young aspiring adults turn into full time greedy machines, always thinking of ways to fulfill the good, the bad, the wrong. Once you take the smallest sip of greed, it just flows in your blood, creating roads of thoughts that might not leave you alone for a tiny little bit.

Because the worst part of being greedy it’s becoming needy while greedy. The feeling-y greedy. So you find yourself listening to your favourite songs on a random night, after finishing your tasks for the day, and while you’re humming to your tunes, either singing along and enjoying yourself, you can’t help but discover certain lyrics that remind you of the certain someone that wasn’t meant to be. Greedy much? Pretty much. What went right, wrong, what you didn’t do? It’s almost as you can feel that smallest sip of greed you once tasted telling you ‘Don’t let go. Push for more.‘ It drives you crazy. It drove me crazy at some point, and I won’t even try denying it. I found myself wanting and waiting for more from places that had nothing.

The worst part of becoming a greedy young adult… it’s the constant need of overthinking strategies no one ever thought of, just so you may be sure you might get your things in order. And it’s pretty damn overwhelming having to think every single damn thing in advance, not being sure of the outcome, not being sure whether it will go left, or right, nor certain of how long will it take until things are achieved. The target’s there so you just aim shooting white bullets.

It’s important mentioning that greedy people have such a hard time accepting anyone could have different views from theirs. Greedy people have a hard time hearing a ‘no‘. Greedy people are often paranoid, scared, but their ability of hiding their feelings often overshadows their insecurities to the point it causes confusion to themselves. Were they happy or pretending to be happy?

It happened to me. Not only I became a needy greedy, I have also been told ‘no!‘ countless times. Did that ever stop me from TRYING? Never. It hurt the hell out of me though right there, in the instant I heard it. ‘NO, it will not go your way!‘. Why? Because I often find myself overanalyzing every single thing to the point it gets scary, my actions are often planned days or weeks in advance and living in the moment sometimes scares the shit out of me.  Hearing a ‘no‘ from somehwere or someone it’s never part of my agenda.

However, the ‘No‘s had their purpose and they fulfilled it goddamn well, balancing the dark side of my greed with a newly discovered bright ambitious side that came out to play not too long ago. A nice mix of greed and … humility that made my hunger for achievements roar every now and then, surprising myself while injecting a huge dose of ambition throughout my body. Do I have many things now? 2 twisted friends, a wicked heart ready to burst, ideas and visions of an uncertain future, and dreams. Greed? It’s at an all-time high. Because I am so determined to create a good life upon this overwhelming, overflowing greed. Ambition. Doses of ambition scattered all over a numb brain. It will lead somewhere, someday, somehow. I just have to play. Stay greedy.

Friends.


As promised yesterday, I will, for various reasons, start writing about whatever has been happening lately in my life. I am doing it as a form of therapy – not saying something went wrong somewhere and I’m using writing as some sort of pills -, but it is widely known that writing helps you focus more on things that require focus. So today I am going to write about friends, my friends and my views on friendship. Ha.

I used to be a popular kid, for again various reasons. While those around me appreciated me for my sense of humour and (debatable) intelligence, those that weren’t around me didn’t like me for the very exact reasons – being outspoken and not very scared of putting that look on my face, you know, the ‘YOU ARE SO STUPID’. (Kids are known to be honest). It is safe to say I wasn’t a likeable child, and if I ever have children, I hope they will somehow follow my footsteps.

Regardless, as mentioned, I had many friends. Sure, as a kid back then it wasn’t hard to make new friends; all you ever had to do was go out and start randomly playing with someone. And bang bang, there you had it, a new companion to spend time with. I gladly remember my childhood friends and thank them for some amazing times together, we formed a band, also pretended to be actors, athletes, we would come back from school just to play until the evening would come and we had to go back home. Those were incredible times I could never forget and I am pretty sure the memories are still there in everyone’s minds.

But just like any kid does, we all grew up. I grew up too, and I am not having any difficulty in admitting that, while growing up, I became sort of difficult. I can’t precisely tell WHY, but it simply happened. I was around 14 when I started changing my views on people, for better or for worse, I started listening to bands my friends would call ‘weird’, some of my friends had already started highschool so the different tastes weren’t the only issue. A very important factor would start ringing in: time. We simply didn’t have the time to see each others as frequently as we used to.

15 years old and there I go leaving the country for what I thought would be for good. I remember being so excited about me and my family moving to Spain, thinking everything would change and I would forever leave the happy, comforting life I had wanted and dreamed of. Except that nothing ever is what it seems and the Spanish experience made me turn into an even darker teenager. And a fat one, while at it. HA. I can count on one hand the kids that I could consider buddies over there, and can’t think of a precise reason the others didn’t like me. Maybe it’s because I was the new kid in class, not only I was a kid but I was a ROMANIAN kid so that turns a potentially nice kid into a potentially dangerous threat… thing is I left Spain after only 8 months and went directly to highschool in the 9th grade.

Thankfully I was smart enough not to have huge expectations about my highschool, my classmates or how things would work. I knew how things were going to work and, for most of them, I was right. Everyone would look down on me for coming back from Spain as if I was some sort of rarity, the teachers would think I’m a genius and overall time spent in highschool would be shit. Friends? What friends.

I was only proven wrong by 3 classmates but unfortunately, we lost contact right now. I gladly remember them too, however I can’t say I am very excited to start caring about what’s happening with them right now. They made 10th grade easier to get through, but I’m pretty sure they are as well having a hard time remembering things as they were, just the way I’m typing these words trying to think of a nice memory that lasted through the years. Trying.

The 11th grade brought a lot of changes and new classmates. Being already sick and tired of it, I didn’t even try making new acquaintaces other than the ones I had, so another year, another time to be socially awkward for me. I had this classmate called Simona who used to be sooo goddamn annoying that I JUST HAD TO write about her on my former blog, another very interesting classmate we used to see rarely named Teodora… overall in front of me were 2 years I thought I would loathe.

Except that I haven’t. SOMEHOW, and don’t ask how because I can’t clearly remember it, I ended up becoming friends with Simona and Teodora. Simona, notice how I’m writing nice things about you? You can now stop telling everyone we meet that I used to hate you so much that I wrote about you on my old blog. Lies and fallacies. Back on topic, our friends group was larger than just the 3 of us but, for various reasons, they each followed their own road. Including the 3 of us, as Simona went to Bucharest, Teodora went across the country and back, and I stayed in my hometown. The nicest thing about a friendship though? It doesn’t matter how often friends meet, if they feel as if they can still tell each other everything despite not always being together… that’s how you know a friendship truly is a friendship and lasts the test of time.

We remained best friends and I highly doubt something could break this thing we’ve been building for a while now. True, we’ve had our arguments and sometimes we still do, but it’s because we care about each other so much that honesty comes as the most natural thing ever, and it’s drawn through our words and pieces of advice. I know for sure I won’t ever forget the countless nights me and Simona stayed up in our beds thinking, thinking, overthinking things so bad that our heads started hurting, and the fun thing it’s that we still do that. Fun. Not only that, but each and every time all of us go out, it just feels as if we’ve known each other for the longest time ever.

See, now I’m thinking that those times I isolated myself from the kids I didn’t feel like hanging out with… those were the times that led to these beautiful days and moments. I remember how they would ask me out and I was like ‘I am coming later’. or ‘I have homeworks’, or pretty much any other innocent excuse that would keep me away from having to spend time with people I felt having less and less things in common. One piece of advice that’s been oversaid and overheard tells us that we don’t have to change who we are in order to please others and, throughout the years, I stayed true to it. I know countless cases of people that only pretend to be friends just so they won’t have to spend time alone, or pretend to like someone just for the holidays… People that can’t stand each other yet they continuously hang out.

Thankfully I never had to pretend or fake those things. I never wanted to and I couldn’t be happier. It’s not the number of people you’re surrounded by that matters, in any shape or form, so don’t ever think that if you find yourself being lonely, you will remain so. Just stay true to who you are, or at least go out there and find people with common purposes, ideas and fantasies. You will be surprised, most likely. Find that one person that laughs at your jokes no matter how bad they are, that one person that makes you laugh until your stomach hurts, that one person you can share your wildest, craziest and deepest thoughts knowing they won’t judge. Find that one friend.

Friends. Greed. Lies. Differences. Changes. Moods. Fear. Sounds. Nights. Love.


Salutare, oameni buni. A trecut mai bine de un an de la ultima postare de pe acest drăguţ blog, an în care s-au întâmplat terifiant de multe lucruri, care mai de care mai interesante sau anoste, fericite sau mai puţin fericite, orişicum lucruri din care cred că am tras câteva învăţăminte, şi dacă nu acum, atunci când… Toţi aşteaptă ca, în momentul în care aud că ai deja 21 de ani, să ai pe lângă vârstă şi o droaie de experienţe, un job stabil, o viaţă frumoasă ce îţi oferă niscaiva perspective, şi oameni buni în jurul tău.

 

Şi ghiciţi ce, pot spune că ACUM le am. Voi scrie câteva postări în care îmi voi exprima opiniile cu privire la cuvintele din titlu. 10 sunt, 10 postări noi vor apărea. Unele vor fi mai reuşite, altele nu. Însă indiferent de calitatea – sau lipsa acesteia a postărilor – un lucru în comun îl vor avea toate, şi anume o sinceritate ce nu mă caracterizează adesea.

 

Mulţi dintre noi pornim cu idealuri măreţe în ceea ce priveşte oamenii din jurul nostru şi felul în care îi influenţăm, însă cu fiecare zi ce trece îmi dau seama că e suficient ca un singur om să primească mesajul pe care vrei să îl transmiţi în mod corect, fără dedesubturi, pentru a te simţi bine cu tine şi judecata ta. Am ajuns la acel punct în viaţa mea încă tânără în care mă pot deschide total în faţa oamenilor buni de lângă mine, fără nevoia perpetuă de a ajunge în panoul de control al blogului.

 

De ce voi scrie aceste postări însă? Pentru că sesiune şi pentru că pus cap la cap idei. Adesea, ideile tuturora se bat cap la cap, mai ales când sunt multe şi poate un pic inutile. Sper ca terapia prin scris să ajute deci. Pe mine, şi pe încă cineva. Atât. E suficient.

 

Let’s roll.

3 ani de nevinovat.wordpress.com


salutari, #littlelegends!

eheeee! holbandu-ma acum cateva zile prin panoul de control al blogului, ce sa vezi… acum 3 ani am deschis nevinovat.wordpress.com, dupa ce am pus gabeeeh.wordpress.com, primul meu blog, in stand-by. ma gandeam atunci, la 17 ani, ca vreau sa scriu ceva mai serios, nu povestioarele de pe gabeeeh sau orice alte verzi si uscate mai indrugram pe acolo.

s-a intamplat si asta, o buna perioada de timp am scris periodic pe aici insa, cu trecerea timpului, am gasit din ce in ce mai putin ragaz pentru a ma dedica trup si suflet scrisului :)) haha. sunt oameni care, odata cu trecerea in varsta, descopera ca pot face din treaba cu blogul o ocupatie cat se poate de serioasa, din care pot iesi si bani, ei bine.. n-am avut vreodata intr-atat de multi vizitatori incat sa ma gandesc la asta, cu toate ca motorul de cautare google imi trimite chiar si in zilele astea de scris rar cateva zeci de oameni pe blogulet. ceea ce ma bucura. #legacy

aveam foarte multe opinii in vremurile mele de abundanta literara, cu privire la tot felul de chestii tipice celor 17-18 ani avuti pe atunci, opinii pe care mi le exprimam prin scris. nu e vorba ca acum nu am la fel de multe opinii, ba chiar dimpotriva, am invatat poate totusi ca, pe masura ce timpul trece, e mai bine sa-ti pastrezi niste pareri/experiente personale pentru tine si pentru persoanele apropiate din jurul tau, ceea ce-i tocmai opusul si marele ASA NU! cu privire la intretinerea unui blog pe termen lung.

sunt totusi 3 ani de blog-uiala, iar asta ma face destul de mandru. 😀 cheers!

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2010 + 3 !!


salutari #littlelegends! 🙂

uite cum a mai trecut un an, 2012, un an care sunt convins ca pentru toata lumea a adus schimbari care mai de care mai interesante, incluzandu-ma! citeam acum cateva minute postarea pe care am scris-o anul trecut, pe vremea asta, si ma gandesc ce idei aveam atunci, ce idei am acum, prin cate credeam deja de pe atunci ca am trecut, dar prin cate am trecut acum! daca, din intamplare, omul din 31 decembrie 2011 l-ar fi vazut pe cel din 31 decembrie 2012, sigur si-ar fi facut o cruce si 3 pasi inapoi.

dupa cum am spus mai sus, 2012 a fost anul schimbarii, anul deciziei, anul luptei interioare – anul BLA BLA. ca sa n-o dau in chestii filozofice si dramatisme, am pierdut cateva chestii, in mare parte pe mana mea, am cunoscut oameni interesanti, prietenii ce puteau fi numarati pe doua maini (oh, I’m a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love; Pearl Jam – Just Breathe), au ramas pe o singura mana, subreda si aia, si tot ce-am pierdut anul asta am pierdut COMPLET pe mana mea. precum tot ce am si castigat, de altfel. 🙂

chestii care m-au mahnit, evident. apoi, dupa lungi nopti in care m-am gandit ca poate intr-adevar nu merit mare lucru.. am ajuns la concluzia ca nu trebuie sa schimb neaparat ceva la mine, ca asta sunt, ca poate ‘complicat’ e cuvantul ce ma caracterizeaza, iar asa ceva n-ai cum sa schimbi.

asa ca, ghici ce? sunt absolut dispus sa o tin asa si in 2013. din nou, daca pierd oamenii ce mi-au ramas pe o mana, o sa-i pierd… pe mana mea. daca o s-o dau in bara, sentimental vorbind, o sa am grija sa nu ma mai invinovatesc pentru asta pentru ca am facut lucrurile in felul MEU, daca o sa am vreo restanta, o s-o am pentru ca nu-mi place statistica si n-am s-o invat vreodata, cu toate ca o sa incerc asta in sesiune. 😀 am invatat sa gasesc frumosul intr-o greseala, fie mica, fie mare, si sa rad de ele in momentul in care se intampla, ca si cum ar fi un banc, in loc sa caut cine stie ce rezolvari, sau sa ma complic atat de tare. asta m-a invatat 2012, si pentru asta voi fi intotdeauna recunoscator.

ii mai sunt recunoscator lui 2012 pentru ca mi-a aratat cat de importante sunt unele chestii carora nu le dadeam importanta. mi-a scos in cale tot felul de oameni, oameni ce pareau sclipitori din afara si, in momentul in care au ramas fara ambalaj, si-au pierdut orice fel de luciu. oameni care, dimpotriva, nu pareau extraordinari, insa acum sunt fericit ca ii am langa mine (colegi de facultate, in principiu). sunt recunoscator lui 2012 pentru ca m-a facut sa-mi placa sportul – am avut o perioada, in vara, in care cateva ore pe zi asta faceam, si chiar mi-a placut, plus ca aratam binisor.. 😀 dupa care m-am lasat, pe ideea ca ‘am facut-o si pe-asta si daca mai am chef/nevoie, pot s-o fac din nou)’. profesional vorbind, nu mi-a mers extraordinar cu facultatea, si sesiunea ce urmeaza o sa fie un cosmar trait live 24 din 24, insa pe partea cealalta m-am ales cu primul job, ca reprezentant vanzari pentru BioCareers, un job ce ma provoaca destul de tare, atat prin prisma capacitatilor de comunicare in limba engleza, pe care continui sa le dezvolt cu fiecare zi de lucru (de parca nu erau suficient de dezvoltate #legend), cat si prin slefuirea capacitatii mele de convingere (recunosc, aici aveam lacune si inca e loc de mai bine). asa ca, momentan, nu prea ma pot plange de probleme financiare. ceea ce nu-i rau deloc.. 😀

finally, 2012 m-a invatat un pic si ce-i aia dragoste, ce-ti poate face, cum la fel de repede precum te urca, te poate cobori, si am constientizat ca MACAR la capitolul asta trebuie sa imi planuiesc miscarile cu mult mai multa grija de aici incolo.

ce vreau de la 2013? incepand deja sa-mi conturez noua atitudine carefree inca de prin noiembrie anul asta, as vrea ca in 2013 sa continui treaba asta, pentru ca impulsivitate am din plin, am observat. am mai spus, o sa fac in continuare lucrurile dupa cum ma taie capul, si cu ‘mniezau inainte! alte rezolutii.. as vrea sa-mi pastrez actualul job, si sa calatoresc, eventual prin afara, in vara, asa ca de vreti sa mergem prin Budapesta, spuneti-mi, si ca undeva in februarie sa ma reapuc de activitatile sportive, deoarece am pus ceva in greutate iarna asta, si n-as vrea sa ma intorc la obezitatea morbida ce ma caracteriza acum vreo 5-6 ani. 😀

sa aveti un 2013 exact asa cum vi-l doriti! 🙂

shy bry like a dymun!


Creditele pentru titlul postarii merg la Robyn Fenty aka RIHANNA aka badgalriri. In fiecare zi, total involuntar si independent de mine, ma trezesc cantand versul asta… ‘Shine bright like a diamond!’, din piesa ‘Diamonds’, a Rihannei, vers pe care il adaptez la ‘Shy bry like a dymun!’, in incercarea de a imita un pic din accentul #bajan #imbadumad #fuckyophotos al Rihannei. HA. Shy bry like a dymun!

Cred ca toti vrem sa stralucim bry like a dymun! Pentru noi, pentru persoanele ce ne-au ajutat, pentru persoane ce s-au indoit de noi, ETC., cu totii am avea motivele noastre pentru a reusi sa facem ceva cu viata noastra. Aici vreau sa fac referire mai ales la planul profesional, si la cei care incercam sa facem ceva. Inevitabil cineva fara bac nu va shy-nui bry like a dymun, doar daca fura niste dymuns de pe undeva. HA.

Si se intampla adesea sa am niste viziuni, niste filme frumoase cu viitorul meu (care poate exista sau nu, nu stii cand iti cade un turture in cap, un turture transparent si shyny like a dymun!!), si se duce de rapa totul. In fine. Dupa fiecare reusita, cat de mica, imi dau seama ca toti anii, toate temele, fiecare pagina citita inca de la gradinita si pana acum, au avut rostul lor. Si toate astea ma motiveaza cumva sa merg mai departe. Desi, recunosc, si cred ca toti am avut zilele alea in care pur si simplu nu mai putem, ajunsi in punctul in care e prea mult. Atunci deschid fereastra, iau o gura de aer, si revin la proiecte, munci, si alte cele. Gandidu-ma ca merita.

 

Nu despre mine voiam sa scriu in postarea asta, insa iata ca nu m-am putut abtine. HA. Nu. Mi-am adus intamplator aminte de un interviu de-al lui Lady Gaga, de pe vremea cand scotea muzica misto, nu o imita pe Madonna si nu purta carne pe post de haine.

 

„I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail,” Gaga says of an unnamed ex.

 

„I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the fucking deli without hearing or seeing me.'”

Si aducandu-mi aminte de declaratia asta absolut geniala a donsoarei Gaga, mi-am mai gasit o motivatie, in afara de mine, pentru care sa trag cat de tare pot in continuare. Cu totii avem omul ala care fie a incercat sa ne puna bete in roate cat a putut de mult, fie a crezut ca ne e superior fara a fi de fapt, fie.. N motive pentru care trebuie sa ii aratam la sfarsit niste degete… 2.. din mijloc… acoperite cu DYMUNS. 🙂

Ca sa inchei, va las ‘Diamonds’.. in caz ca traiti intr-o pestera si n-ati ascultat-o inca.

timpul – prieten sau dusman?


Inselator instrument, timpul te pacaleste cand nu ai vrea s-o faca, si o face mai mereu.

Una din remarcile generale dupa fiecare curs de economia serviciilor de joi, ultimul curs de altfel al saptamanii, este ‘CAT DE REPEDE A TRECUT SI SAPTAMANA ASTA’. Si intr-adevar, trece al naibii de repede, nu stii cand se duce, si joia abia-mi aduc aminte ce am facut la statistica de luni. (am o problema generala cu statistica totusi, nu-mi amintesc ce fac nici dupa ce ies de la cursul respectiv, daramite sa ma tina pana joi #dumb).

In fine, problema nu e rapiditatea cu care trece timpul. Problema-s zilele alea in care ai fi vrut ca el sa stea in loc. Am avut cu totii momentul ala (ne)fericit in care am fi vrut ca ceasurile sa se opreasca si, cel putin o data, am spus-o, cu voce tare sau nu, ‘DE-AR STA TIMPUL IN LOC ACUM!’.

Si al naibii timp, cum se face sau nu, ca te asculta cateodata. Si asa sta el in loc, cu toate ca ceasul il masoara si, in toata valtoarea de evenimente secundare prin care treci alaturi timpul ce alearga pe langa tine, simti clipa in care ti-ai dorit sa-l opresti ca si cum ar fi fost abia ieri.

Asta e bine, sau nu… depinde ce feste ti-a jucat prietena timpului, soarta, din momentul in care i-ai pus stop amicului sau, si pana in prezent. din acest motiv, timpul iti poate fi prieten, sau dimpotriva, un mare dusman… la o concluzie am ajuns insa, nu-i de joaca cu timpul. de-asta o sa incerc sa nu-l mai opresc vreodata, indiferent de cat de tentant ar fi. 🙂

 

Total paralel cu subiectul postarii, va las o melodie pe care am ascultat-o multicel azi, Ne-Yo – Cracks in Mr. Perfect.

I say I’m not a hater but I hate to see you shine
Especially if your shine is outshining mine