Greed.

Greed… it comes to us in various occasions and shapes, and the worst part about its ever changing character would be that we often don’t even notice it. Tricky, isn’t it? As young kids, we always crave for the prettiest toy in a store, even though we’re being told that we might not have it, regardless of all the tears. As teenagers, we always crave for the most expensive clothes or shoes, even though we’re being told that we might have to wait just a tiny little bit.

We grow up though, and greedy kids become greedy teenagers, and greedy teenagers become young, aspiring adults, and the young aspiring adults turn into full time greedy machines, always thinking of ways to fulfill the good, the bad, the wrong. Once you take the smallest sip of greed, it just flows in your blood, creating roads of thoughts that might not leave you alone for a tiny little bit.

Because the worst part of being greedy it’s becoming needy while greedy. The feeling-y greedy. So you find yourself listening to your favourite songs on a random night, after finishing your tasks for the day, and while you’re humming to your tunes, either singing along and enjoying yourself, you can’t help but discover certain lyrics that remind you of the certain someone that wasn’t meant to be. Greedy much? Pretty much. What went right, wrong, what you didn’t do? It’s almost as you can feel that smallest sip of greed you once tasted telling you ‘Don’t let go. Push for more.‘ It drives you crazy. It drove me crazy at some point, and I won’t even try denying it. I found myself wanting and waiting for more from places that had nothing.

The worst part of becoming a greedy young adult… it’s the constant need of overthinking strategies no one ever thought of, just so you may be sure you might get your things in order. And it’s pretty damn overwhelming having to think every single damn thing in advance, not being sure of the outcome, not being sure whether it will go left, or right, nor certain of how long will it take until things are achieved. The target’s there so you just aim shooting white bullets.

It’s important mentioning that greedy people have such a hard time accepting anyone could have different views from theirs. Greedy people have a hard time hearing a ‘no‘. Greedy people are often paranoid, scared, but their ability of hiding their feelings often overshadows their insecurities to the point it causes confusion to themselves. Were they happy or pretending to be happy?

It happened to me. Not only I became a needy greedy, I have also been told ‘no!‘ countless times. Did that ever stop me from TRYING? Never. It hurt the hell out of me though right there, in the instant I heard it. ‘NO, it will not go your way!‘. Why? Because I often find myself overanalyzing every single thing to the point it gets scary, my actions are often planned days or weeks in advance and living in the moment sometimes scares the shit out of me.  Hearing a ‘no‘ from somehwere or someone it’s never part of my agenda.

However, the ‘No‘s had their purpose and they fulfilled it goddamn well, balancing the dark side of my greed with a newly discovered bright ambitious side that came out to play not too long ago. A nice mix of greed and … humility that made my hunger for achievements roar every now and then, surprising myself while injecting a huge dose of ambition throughout my body. Do I have many things now? 2 twisted friends, a wicked heart ready to burst, ideas and visions of an uncertain future, and dreams. Greed? It’s at an all-time high. Because I am so determined to create a good life upon this overwhelming, overflowing greed. Ambition. Doses of ambition scattered all over a numb brain. It will lead somewhere, someday, somehow. I just have to play. Stay greedy.

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